rant

I miss you t. i have always missed you, ever since i found out about your existence. i will always miss you, and want to get to know you. i sometimes [like now] sneak out that picture of you at kindergarden, [that i have stashed deep in a drawer] taken during a party, with you sitting on a sofa, and i wonder how great of a man you must be now; how inspiring you must be; and in general how you are. i need you t. i need you how Chirila needs his Knight in shining armour/Fat Frumos in that song of Vama with the same name. ( Ei bine, află că sunt singur, Făt Frumos... Şi tu nu eşti aici./etc) i need you here, now, so i can cry on your shoulder, and while i stupidly and endlessly do that, and complain about all sorts of meaningless things, you will soothe all of my pain. I have an innate desire to think of you only positively, and as if you are great, i almost feel the need to associate with you the words "role model", but after having done so with so many other people i have come across in my short existence, and have let me down oh-so-many times, i am afraid to do so; i have to admit. Why? because i would not want to end up suffering again, as i did so many times before. Yet, from my four legged plain wooden white chair, where i am sitting now, and yes, sort of sobbing, i hope that one day, until i die, i get to see you; be if even for a couple of seconds - just so i know that everything wasn't in vain; and that you are real, not some fictional char created by my relatives. Until then, that day, i will end this, i have to, because i don't know how many chars twitlonger will allow me to write, and after all crying is much more better than writing stuff down.

Ar fi trebuit să fii aici, laşule... să ne înveţi să luptăm... să ne vorbeşti despre onoare şi

prietenie... să ne povesteşti despre sacrificiu... Ar fi trebuit să ramâi aici, ca să te poţi apăra,

Făt Frumos, pentru că eu nu o pot face în locul tău, pentru că nu m-ai învăţat, Făt Frumos... ai

plecat ca un laş, Făt Frumos... şi nu ne-ai învăţat nimic... Ai fi putut măcar să îmi spui cum ai

făcut să o iubeşti doar pe ea, Făt Frumos... O singură fată... Măcar atât, Făt Frumos, pentru că eu

ştiu că ea te-a ajutat mult... Cum ai reuşit să iubeşti o singură femeie... Te urăsc, Făt Frumos, te

urăsc în numele tuturor calculatoarelor din lume...

Tastez numele tău şi mii de pagini îmi vorbesc despre tine... Şi tu nu eşti nicăieri, Făt Frumos...

hasta luego

update 1: sa-mi bag pula, fac ce fac si iar reusesc sa postez la fix - blogul asta parca are un blestem al secundei 00 :|